Capstone Project Wiki

Where did we come from? Where are we going? These questions are as old as thought but both of them are deeply rooted in a third existential question: what separates humans from beasts? An axiom of humanity states that people hate their school photos and driver's license photos. An animal cannot and does not hate a photo because they do not have the capacity to hate. Can we conclude, therefore, that the common beast is more righteous than man because it does not posses the powers of self-loathing, pride, anger, and abhorrence that are displayed in wide variety by us, their bipedal elitist neighbor? This bipedal elitist says “no”. Although humans stand apart from animals in our capacity to despise a photo, we also stand apart in our capacity to comfort those who hate their photo and in our capacity to love a photo. Simply put: the human species is unique because it can hate but also because it can love, to bear one another’s burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort. These abilities give humans something that separates us from all others: we have agency to chose between good and evil—love and hate.

This yields an interesting symbolism proposed by Thomas Burke, humans are different because we wear clothing. Burke proposes that clothing symbolizes moral imagination. Because we can chose between sin and righteousness, we can also decide which choice is correct thus giving birth to a myriad of philosophical and religious disciplines. For if there is a right and wrong, we should make it our business to understand which is which that we may avoid calling good evil and evil good. It is important to note here that some moral relativists may say “morality is relative, we'll all die and nothing matters, do whatever you want because there are no consequences” but that is just wishful thinking. It is also incredibly insular, short sited, and selfish given that by that same logic child pornography should be acceptable. They don't realize that their neglectful care or absolute truth sews the seeds of societies destruction.

No to wrap it all together. Adam and Eve were created and lived with the animals naked. Then they learned between good and evil. Partaking of this fruit was what made them human, separate from the beasts, capable of choice, and competent to become as gods. After this they were ashamed of falling short of the peaceful, loving glory of God—all the blessing that come from utilizing natural laws to the benefit of mankind and ourselves a.k.a. obeying/keeping the commandments. This shame began to fade as they were clothed in moral imagination (a.k.a. an understanding and desire to pursue good), entered in covenants (a.k.a. commitments to become like God), and received power from on high (a.k.a. kept their covenets). In short: Adam and Eve, after being introduced to sin and shame (as we all are), repented.

Sign up for photo days by

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Show up on time you miserable sloth. Beware the burning fury of our righteous indignation will reign against you for 1,000 years of darkness.

We don't want you to look like a filthy dumpster fire, and more importantly we don't want people to think poorly of us because we're a business and we can't afford your poor representation. That said, here are some dress and grooming principles you must be in compliance with otherwise we will mercilessly cast you out of your team's photo and even consider docking your professionalism score. It really just depends on how we're feeling and on how apologetic you are. Also, it doesn't hurt if you bribe us.

Anyway, here are the standards:

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2. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
3. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.
4. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Although we've mentioned this several times, your ignorant attention deficiency has probably caused you to neglect this important fact: we are a business. None of the thousands of dollars your pile-o-garbage project costs comes from the university or the church which espouses it. All those dollar bucks come from the company that sponsors you and we want them to keep sponsoring other projects. We also advertise to other potential sponsors and a nasty photo of your sorry scruff doesn't inspire confidence in potential sponsors. For these reasons, we feel perfectly comfortable dictating your dress and grooming standards for one day. And besides no sane person actually like the “Provo 'stache” so your girlfriend will probably thank us for forcing a razor to your lip caterpillar. And if she likes it, we're probably doing you a favor in dissuading her from coming closer; that girl be cray cray.

We take great pride in our team photos and we like being able to feed our families so if the choice is between providing a professional appearance to sponsors and making you happy… let's just say we couldn't care less about you in that situation. Comprende?